The Self-Doubter and Emotional Blackmail

When we do not trust ourselves we will assign wisdom and intelligence to another person and thus we hand them the power to keep our self-doubt active if they so wish. This gives others way to much control and influence over us and we can easily fall prey to emotional blackmail/abuse. We need to listen to our own inner voice and trust it more knowing that we have our best interest at heart.

The self-doubter needs to stay on guard against others who say "they know what's best for us" or that "they know us better than we know ourselves". That is always a lie. No one can know that other than yourself.

We also have to stop training our blackmailers to treat us the way the do. We betray ourselves when we show them what works on us. You see, the emotional blackmailer takes his/her que from us, by what we do and don't do. They clearly pick up on what works and what does not work by how we respond and whether they get what they want or not.

Author Susan Forward says that if you do any of the following you are acting as a coach to the blackmailer:

"When pressured by a blackmailer, do you:
- Apologize
- "Reason"
- Cry
- Plead
- Change or cancel important plans or appointments
- Give in and hope it's the last time
- Surrender

Do you find it difficult or impossible to:
- Stand up for yourself?
- Confront what's going on?
- Set limits?
- Let blackmailers know that their behavior is unacceptable?

When we do these things we essentially are saying "It worked. Do it Again!!"

Addiction and Real Love

This article is a great description of what addiction is, where it comes from and what REAL LOVE is and how it relates to addictions.

clipped from www.reallove.com Addiction is the compulsive use of any substance, person, feeling, or behavior with a relative disregard of the potentially negative social, psychological, and physical consequences. This definition of addiction creates a much broader—and more accurate—picture of addiction, which we will demonstrate in much greater detail throughout the remainder of this article. Addiction is not a disease. Addiction is a response to pain. Real Love But not just any kind of love will do. The only kind of love that can fill us up and make us whole emotionally is Real Love. Real Love is caring about the happiness of another person without any thought for what we might get for ourselves. It’s also Real Love when other people care about our happiness unconditionally. With Real Love, people are not disappointed or angry when we make our foolish mistakes, when we don’t do what they want, or even when we inconvenience them personally.