The Self-Doubter and Emotional Blackmail

When we do not trust ourselves we will assign wisdom and intelligence to another person and thus we hand them the power to keep our self-doubt active if they so wish. This gives others way to much control and influence over us and we can easily fall prey to emotional blackmail/abuse. We need to listen to our own inner voice and trust it more knowing that we have our best interest at heart.

The self-doubter needs to stay on guard against others who say "they know what's best for us" or that "they know us better than we know ourselves". That is always a lie. No one can know that other than yourself.

We also have to stop training our blackmailers to treat us the way the do. We betray ourselves when we show them what works on us. You see, the emotional blackmailer takes his/her que from us, by what we do and don't do. They clearly pick up on what works and what does not work by how we respond and whether they get what they want or not.

Author Susan Forward says that if you do any of the following you are acting as a coach to the blackmailer:

"When pressured by a blackmailer, do you:
- Apologize
- "Reason"
- Cry
- Plead
- Change or cancel important plans or appointments
- Give in and hope it's the last time
- Surrender

Do you find it difficult or impossible to:
- Stand up for yourself?
- Confront what's going on?
- Set limits?
- Let blackmailers know that their behavior is unacceptable?

When we do these things we essentially are saying "It worked. Do it Again!!"

Overcoming Rejection

This article is straight forward and to the point. No one deserves to be rejected, however it is the rejected party's responsibility to chose whether they will let the rejection determine their response (which will be negative) or will they consciously choose to process the rejection in light of "reality", it is simply the other person's choice. You do not have to integrate their negative view of you into your sense of self. YOU CHOOSE to define yourself not them. NEVER let someone else define who you are. It may be incredibly painful but you have to let them go if that is their choice. For a great book on controlling people and their often rejecting behaviors go to "Control Freaks".

clipped from www.4therapy.com Rejection creates a feeling of being unwanted which then reduces self esteem. The more intimate the relationship in which rejection is experienced, the greater the damage done, and the more challenging it can be to overcome the effects. Although rejection may occur in entirely different spheres of human relationships, it generally conveys the same messages of non-acceptance such as: • There is something wrong with you. • You are disliked. • You will never change. • You do not belong in this group. • You are at fault / you did something wrong, or unacceptable. • You are not one of us. The ability to subvert the harmful, long lasting effects of being rejected depends on your ability to understand the behavior of the individual who rejects, the way you choose to interpret the messages conveyed by rejection, and how you choose to integrate those messages into your sense of self.